Broken Heart
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Most people have their own version of broken heart story. Some of them might be funny, sick, full of sadness or even full of anger. Whatever the theme is, most broken heart stories are filled with emotions. I have some of them too, but today I'm gonna share a melancholic version of mine. Enjoy :)

This may be a long ago story. But somehow tonight I feel so strongly about it.

I remember how hurt it was, right here in my chest.
It must hurt so bad, my eyes couldn't rest without tearing.
It must hurt so bad, my mouth couldn't close without gasping.

Pillow screams - Check.

Bitching around about him - Check.

Sticking '10 Things I Hate About You' notes everywhere - Check.

Nothing worked at the time. NOTHING.

By morning when I woke up, I rushed to check whether there's any missed calls or messages from him.

By day.. God. Daytime was the hardest.

I couldn't take my mind off him. All the jealousy felt really sickening when I imagine he's with someone else, knowing he's no longer mine. And I MUST hold my tears back. Pretended to be okay about all this.

Still checking on my cell pathetically.

I remember one day, I walked my way home from school and 'accidentally' reached his school's backyard (our schools only few blocks apart from each other). I peeked. There he was. He didn't know I was there. But it made my day just to see his face. For a few minutes.

By night before I went to bed, I'd secretly wish that 'This is not happening. Tomorrow everything will be back to normal again." Or at the very least, I prayed that I'd have sweet dreams about me and him still being together and all.

Pathetic, aye?

I managed to keep my strength through the whole time, though.
Kept telling myself below statements every time I felt the rush to call or text him:

"There's this BIG REASON why you're not with this guy anymore"

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"

or simply..


And that's that.

Broken heart matter is truly a pain in the ass. But now, I feel really grateful I got the courage to make that decision at the time, be strong about it, and moved on.

Slowly but surely, time and logic cured my heart. It has been broken and repaired several times by now, but man! How each memory makes me feel alive! *took a deep, relieving breath*

I kept every one of them, every bitter-sweet of them in my memory box.
Sometimes I open it, like today.. The songs, the churning stomachs, the first dates, the stolen kisses, to (finally) the goodbye tears.

It may be a long ago story.

It might no longer means anything by now.

But all I know that it was real at the time.. And damn it was beautiful :)

@ 5:38 AM